The worst thing you can do in a relationship, is force someone to stay. Now when I say stay, I mean stay in the “what I feel is right” box that you may have created for your ideal man or woman.
You could be amazing, intelligent, sexy, have the entire package and could honestly have all of the qualities of what society has accepted a “Good Partner” to hold, but what is all of this for if you use this to hold someone captive?
It took for me to remove myself from a bad relationship to figure this out. I was and still am, a great catch, one of a kind even, but I tried to control my ex-lover’s actions and way of living and change him into what I felt was the appropriate way of living. With this controlling mindset, words, constant criticism and correction, I in fact helped him turn into someone who looked at me more as a “mother” than a lover.
This HELPED lead to his cheating, day & night drinking and a whole lot more. He hid the person he truly was from me, (which he hid from me in the beginning) because he knew I wouldn’t approve, but somehow couldn’t let me go.
The scolding I did was towards how he was changing and negatively effecting himself and our relationship, and this in fact resulted in him only holding on to me, because I saw the “potential” in him, and he liked knowing who he used to be, but he honestly…wasn’t. I held on because I saw who the person he could return to…but I disliked who he truly was. I no longer liked nor loved him. (It was infatuation..not love, you cant love a stranger)
HOLDING ON TO A DEAD ASS TOOTH ATTACHED TO SOME DETERIORATED GUMS LOL
This is why majority of relationships fail. Lack of freedom. From one mate or both.
I had to reevaluate myself and after seeking out God for guidance along with self realization, I changed my mindset and heart into one that displayed self love and genuine love for “people” flaws and all.
I later was captured by a King, and I was prepared to love..be loved and more importantly..learn.
Here are some tips that I’ve learned and have applied in my current relationship..and it is amazing.
Love Yourself First
How are you going to love someone else, if you don’t even love yourself? You should be so in love with your skin, hair, mind, voice, looks and more that if someone comes and goes..you aren’t phased one bit..cause YOU POPPIN!
If you’re dating, you watch the type of things that the one you’re interested in does. If you choose to stay with that person, DEAL WITH IT! You knew he or she liked to curse, drink, play too much, or sleep in late. You didn’t have an issue with it then, don’t make an issue out of it now.
Don’t care too much
The last thing you should do is give a damn. If you ain’t got the ring, don’t say a thing.
If he wants to go to the club..bye! If she wants to be ratched with her friends..THAT’S FINE. Love that your mate is happy with what makes THEM HAPPY! Don’t take happiness from them because YOU disapprove. You ain’t GAWD!
Get a Life
The most attractive thing to me, is a person who stays busy. You need to be so focused on yourself, that you don’t even have time to be worried about what the other person is doing. They’re not answering the phone? Okay..they’ll hit you back when they can or IF they even want too. AND IF THEY DO CALL BACK…Don’t start asking what they were doing?!
Words of Affirmation
Tell your lover the things that you love about them, instead of the things that you don’t. The funny thing is, a lot of couples try to change their mates instead of leaving because they dislike a trait about them. No ones perfect, so if you don’t like what they cant change, leave. If not..keep quiet.
What your mate is doing when he or she is not with you, shouldn’t concern you. If the relationship is new, you LITERALLY have no clue and shouldn’t care. If its a seasoned relationship, you probably know so relax. If he or she doesn’t tell you..you should trust them enough to believe they aren’t doing anything bad…If they are..you’ll find out. chill.
I learned to truly love, you must love yourself, the good and bad parts of others and to withstand judgement and criticism. Pray for your mate and ask God to knock on their heart and bring to their attention what HE (GOD) FEELS NEEDS CORRECTING. You stay in your lane..and only bring peace, happiness, protection and FREEDOM.